if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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