dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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