You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize