This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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