You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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