You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize