Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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