Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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