I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize