He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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