Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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