who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
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Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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