you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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