I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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