Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
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He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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