You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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