when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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