didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize