..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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