im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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