It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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