Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
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I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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