Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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