The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
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so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
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Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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