I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize