if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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