The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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