ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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