And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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