I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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