In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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