She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
pray to the hookup gods
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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