Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize