I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
