i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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