ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
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His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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