I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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