Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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