did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize