i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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