I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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