You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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