Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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