apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize