he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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