I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize