highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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