my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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