i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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