I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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