Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize