Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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