I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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