barbara walters just said penis...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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